Halide perovskites emerged as a revolutionary family of high-quality semiconductors for solar energy harvesting and energy-efficient lighting. There is mounting evidence that the exceptional optoelectronic properties of these materials could stem from unconventional electron-phonon couplings, and it has been suggested that the formation of polarons and self-trapped excitons could be key to understanding such properties. By performing first-principles simulations with unprecedented detail across the length scales, here we show that halide perovskites harbor a uniquely rich variety of polaronic species, including small polarons, large polarons, and charge density waves, and we explain a variety of experimental observations. We find that these emergent quasiparticles support topologically nontrivial phonon fields with quantized topological charge, making them the first non-magnetic analog of the helical Bloch points found in magnetic skyrmion lattices.